Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Minding My Own Business

As I said earlier I made the trek from DC to NY yesterday (actually technically today). At two am this morning I get to Penn Station, my train was scheduled to leave in an hour and I was seriously caffeine deprived.

I also looked like a hot mess.

My hair had that I have been working for nine hours with a hat on look, i smelled of steamed milk and there was crusted sticky chai concentrate on my arm. Not to mention the pile of drool that accumulated on my sweatshirt as I slept on the bus.

Starbucks in Penn Station? CHECK
Valerie having a chance of making it home awake? PROBABLE

So I had 4 ristretto shots of espresso over ice with a splash of soy and two raw sugars.

As I grab my beverage and place my luggage by a table sitting down to enjoy the only thing that will keep me awake a man approached me. He had a smile, and four rotting teeth. He was clearly homeless, making his rounds asking all the customers for $2 so he could get something to eat.

He was clutching his stomach as he approached me.

HM= Homeless man with 4 teeth
V= tired tired tired me

and this is how it went down...

HM= ya got'wo dollas ta spar miz?

V= sorry i dont have any cash on me...

HM= i dun'understan? ya sorry?

at this point im feeling generous.. so...

V= here. why dont we go up and get you a bagel or something, ill use my credit card

at this point HM flips.


and now i felt compelled to give him a history lesson.

V= you know, that word has been used for centuries to put your race down, what good does it do you to call me that.

and then he gave me this look that I can only describe as a teen looking at the SATs for the first time with no preperation...

HM= you confuzin me (walks to next customer to ask her)

this is the first of many homeless stories to tell....
-like the homeless man that wants to kill me
-and the one that thinks its christmas
-and the one that swears he invented scotch tape

intregued you with that last one didnt I?

time to crash
espresso kisses,

1 comment:

  1. Oh Valerie, this is hilarious! I'm glad I stumbled upon this blog -- the guy who invented scotch tape, huh? Can't wait ta hear about that one!